Elephants on the Kinabatangan

So.

Jane and I left the crazy hedonistic world of Boracay and the charming americans with wide smiles and glowing skin and headed to Borneo where I wanted to show her my second home - Mengaris.

We arrived in the village on Saturday 2nd February. A very hot and sweaty two bus rides after seeing the Orangutans at Sepilok. Very entertaining they were too, a few of them walked right past us and there were all sorts of monkey-type japes going on when the bananas made an appearance.

We landed in Mengaris early afternoon and were spat out onto the dusty Lahad Datu Rd, large rucksacks rolling around in the dirt..... the 98% humidity doing its worst and leaving us feeling pretty drained. I had butterflies for some reason going back to this place I called home for three of the most important months of my life.

As we approached the Mescot Headquarters which nestles directly under the Kinabatangan Bridge there were cries of 'Amy! Amy!' It was so lovely to be back and the butterflies vanished.

We exchanged hugs, drank hot sweet kopi-o (a kopi susu without the condensed milk) and then were immediately bundled off to a homestay, to stay with Era (one of the Mescot culture group members) and her amazing family.

The Miso Walai Homestay programme is another initiative set up by the village to generate income, and give passing tourists somewhere to lay their heads - the ones that couldn't hack it in a hammock that is.

On arrival in the house, the kids (Annie - 12, Nipon - 10, Bibi - 7, Sophia - 4, New Born Baby - 10 days) got stuck straight into our luggage (well, not the baby).

'WHATS THIS? AND THIS? AND THIS?'

Lordy - er..... that's deet, it'll probably poison you, um..... thats a sock, that's...... Christ - how do you explain a tampon to a ten year old boy?

Before we knew it we were both having our hair and make-up done (by Nipon the little boy, oddly enough) and so it was with very odd bunches at jaunty angles and quite a lot of badly applied mascara (just on the right eye) that we left the homestay to join in a local volleyball game.

Earlier that afternoon I'd taken Jane to see where I slept when on expedition. It was very strange seeing an empty Raleigh Camp where various Alpha 2 groups had lived, cooked and shared so many good times over the three months.

Affectionately known as 'Raleigh Palace' by both us and the villagers, a palace it wasn't, home it most certainly was. A large wooden structure formed the sleeping area, or the 'basha'. It was a row of 14 or so hammocks under a large orange tarp - right on the river bank. You had to be pretty clever how you arranged your belongings and it always amazed me the alarming rate at which I managed to misplace all my stuff on a regular basis. I only had a few pairs of pants, some deet and a pen-knife!



On my return to camp I saw that all the tarps had been stripped from the sleeping area (basha), and the bare skeleton which stood forlornly before me was a sad shadow of its former self. I was told that soon it will be torn down and a new one built. But maybe that's not a bad thing, each expedition needs to 'own' their camp. We spent a few moments in silence taking in the beauty of the river and remembering...........and then I decided it was time to move on, I wanted to remember this place full of people and laughter - not as an empty shell. I made my peace with the ever-present mossies and we sloshed back through the mud to the village.

During the afternoon with the kids, Rosli (Head Mescot Dude) had run into the house all excited. Lots of news! There were elephants in the area and would we like to go to a wedding ceremony?

The elephant situation was thrilling, but at the time it took a backseat behind the invitation to the wedding ceremony.

Grinning broadly, I knew exactly what to expect at the ceremony, but I thought I'd let Jane find out for herself....so I answered her many questions with maddening vagueness. 'You'll see, soon enough'.

Firstly, we would be provided with Hari Raya traditional outfits. These resembled a combination of loose fitting pyjamas made from your Nan's best curtains. Secondly we would be made to sing karaoke. Thirdly we would be fed for the second time that evening, and to refuse would be considered impolite.

Jane looked nervous in floral peach and blue as I laughed heartily in swirling pink, yellow and purple.

A traditional Malaysian wedding is quite different to those in the UK. The actual marriage takes place in a different place, and then two 'receptions' are held, one in each of the families' houses. Entire villages are invited, and if there are any westerners in the vicinity, they are invited as 'VIPs'. At the reception the bride and groom remain perfectly still, seated on a highly decorated platform. They wear expressions of what I'd call 'patience under duress'. As they sit, heavily dressed and sweating, the guests eat, drink, sing karaoke and gad about in front of them. An MC with a microphone leads karaoke proceedings. In this instance the MC was a classic 'Mr Embarrassing Dad' type. He wore a huge stetson, kept breaking into song a la Frank Sinatra and did an inordinate amount of hip grinding. He was exceptionally keen on getting myself and Jane up on stage, much, it seemed, to the brides growing annoyance. It felt like we were stealing her thunder, but refusal to take part was not an option. Besides, it was so much fun!

No sooner than we'd arrived, (once we'd had our second 'heavy on the carbs' meal of the evening) and our names were down on the list to sing 'Leaving on a Jet Plane' by John Denver. Jane shot me evils as we got up to murder a classic.

Mr Embarrassing Dad kept announcing us as their 'Very Special Guests' and after a while it felt a bit like the Amy and Jane show. I tried to send apologetic vibes to the bride, but her expression remained 'patient under duress' with underlying vibes of stoic resignation.

At ten pm we made our excuses and left the stage for the millionth time, only just avoiding the (still-grinding) hips of Mr Embarrassing Dad.

Jane commented that this must be how it feels to be a celebrity. She wasn't wrong. Everywhere we went we received wide-eyed stares which quickly dissolved into the biggest smiles I've ever seen.

We fell into bed pretty exhausted and keen to get some sleep, as we'd arranged a river cruise for the following morning, early doors. At 6am off we set with a packed breakfast of coffee and noodles and it was beautiful - watching the proboscis monkeys larking about in the misty morning sunrise. We were not disappointed by the local wildlife - a large croc, an electric blue kingfisher, a scampering otter and several special of hornbill kept us entertained.

However. At 2pm that afternoon I received a call from Rosli. Much excitement. THE ELEPHANTS ARE VERY CLOSE. THEY HAVE WRECKED THE ECO CAMP!!! Someone needs to be at the Lodge at all times.... did we want to go and find them and then stay overnight to protect the Lodge??? I had totally forgotten about the elephants in the excitement of the karaoke. This would surely be a dream come true. To see elephants in the wild! At my precious Eco Lodge! I shook with excitement and agreed a plan with Rosli.

We set off at 4pm with a packed noodle-dinner from our homestay family, litres of insect repellent, a mossie net and a whole lot of hope. I felt like a kid on Christmas Eve. We sailed downstream and met a boat coming the opposite way: 'Go back, go back, jalan jalan, they're here'...... We jalan-ed in the direction being excitedly pointed out by the crew of the other boat and slowly slipped down a small riverlet off the Kinabatangan.

And there, in very clear view were two elephants, desperately trying to scramble up the river bank. But wait! Three more to our right, slipping down the other side of the bank into the water.

We sat and watched, open-mouthed with wonder and disbelief, as approximately 15 elephants appeared through the jungle, slid down into the water and heaved themselves up the other side.

When we thought we'd seen the last of them, we reluctantly started to head back to the Lodge - time was evaporating, daylight was failing and we needed to get settled in the Lodge before dark.
As we emerged out on to the main river a truly 'once-in-a-lifetime' sight met us. To the left, maybe 10, 15, 20 elephants climbing out of the river.... straight ahead another 10 or so swimming across..... to the right, another 15 or so sliding into the water. Trumpeting left right and centre, it was a mind-blowing scene.

Rosli confidently piloted our little boat to nearly within touching distance of these magnificent beasts, much to my trepidation. At times it was a little nerve-wracking, especially - at one point when we were shooed off by a mother protecting her baby.

I have never, and will probably never again see anything like that. It felt like a true blessing from God to have witnessed nature at its finest. People pay thousands of pounds to go on a safari and maybe see a herd in the distance or one or two up close.. Our journey down to Mengaris cost us about a fiver and we had an 'on the off chance' free river trip from a very close friend. That made it even more special, the fact that we weren't amongst a big group of tourists, it was just Rosli, Eddie (our boatman), me and Jane. Finally I could really use the word 'awesome' and not be afraid I was overstating the case.

The orangutans and monkeys at Sepilok were amazing in their own right, however after seeing those elephants I'm afraid a monkey is going to have to do something pretty damn special to get my attention now.

Like, dress in drag and do the hoolah?