Sounds a bit hardcore doesn't it? But its incredible stuff. And yesterday we found ginger scones with clotted cream. The general theme seems to be clotted cream with everything and a pleasing array of ginger-flavoured items in Lynmouth, Devon, where I am on holiday with my family. Its a taken a little while to get to a stage where I've been able to contemplate a whole week in close confinement of a cottage with the family - and in no way is this a slight against them - they are the loveliest family you could wish for. But it's more my ability to be able to give myself to them for a week. Difficult to explain why or how but it's as though I've been adjusting to something - a different state of being, and over the last year or so I think I've arrived where I need to be.
I think I know where it is I've come from, and I think I know the place I have arrived at - that being a happy single woman with a full and rewarding life. Since the upheaval years after being made redundant and my longterm relationship breaking down, all as I hit the big 3-0 I have experienced some very definable moments of 'penny-dropping' clarity. Where I have almost actually exclaimed out loud 'OH. I see'. Several of these were in the Borneo jungles but some of the major ones have been post-travel. After Raleigh, I spent a frenetic summer back at Wimbledon, and it was here I was hit by an overwhelming need to be back home, so I made the move to Bristol. I found a lovely little home with two girls Laura and Charlotte, and here clunked one of my life-pennies. For the next year I had a so-so job, but I worked hard to get myself somewhere a little more inspiring, somewhere voices are listened to, and ideas are creative, free-flowing and encouraged. My new working environment is stimulating, engaging and demanding and this feels like a physical relief. At times I find it really hard, but I know now that it is at these times that I actually start performing at a level I am satisfied with and this has just done crazy things for my confidence. A few weeks into this job, we're talking MAJOR PENNY CLANGING.
And actually, one of my next stories - the LA Story no less....... another penny moment. I believe I was about 36 hours into my journey home, on a 25 hour ferry ride from Santander, close to tears with tiredness and I realised that I was never ever going to make excuses or kid myself over a guy ever again. It was an important penny as well, that one.
And in three weeks I'm moving into my own little flat, this is massively exciting and I'm expecting another penny or two. One of my current flatmates doesn't seem to really understand my desire to live alone. Whether this is just something that comes naturally to most people with advancing age, or whether it's just that I really know I need my own space and am very content to be alone I am not sure. Possibly it has been borne out of necessity - along the way of the last 5 years I've begun to understand that I have to be prepared for the fact I may walk alone in life. Seeing this written down, at my own hand, would once have scared me witless - now it just gives me a sense of achievement and strength. If I can do it solo, then how cool is that? I like the feeling of not needing anyone else. Yes if someone comes along then obviously that will be far preferable, but if not - then I'm all set. If you get me.
I am alone now in fact and it's nice - La Famille Gaulton have gone off with baby Lulah-Rose for a rainy walk - all dressed in matching raincoats - we all bought the same purple macs yesterday in fits of giggles, hoping that the purchasing thereof would guarantee sunshine for the week. Not so, unfortunately. It's been a bit of a scramble to get the baby dressed and everyone adorned in wellies and kagools for a splash about. I was just keen for a bit of solitude and some writing time.
I'm in this gorgeous little country-cottage kitchen. With the Aga and Radio 2 for company, a cafetiere of coffee on the go and a bag of VERY EXPENSIVE but delectable fudge. Don't worry, I intend to go for a run later. Now I appear to be in training again for a Marathon. The ever inventive and adventurous Ms Beverley Salmon has suggested Nice to Cannes 26.2 on 14th November. I can't say I want to do it, or moreso the training, yet I can't say no to that woman. Damn it. And she can't sit still for more than about 5 minutes, which is probably why we make a good team. We're like two small excitable puppies, 'what next, what next?' I needed her here this morning - a twenty minute fight to assemble the cafetiere - getting increasingly frustrated at my inability to work out which bit fitted where, caffiene craving advancing with alarming velocity. She would totally have understood my pain as well, her views on coffee are similar to mine and we would both revolve a day around it. But she was always the practical one of our outfit and she'd have had the coffee pot together in a jiffy. I would have had loads of encouraging and supportive feedback about it - that was how we rolled in the jungle ;)
So I'm about to tell you a couple more stories of some recent trips - well I firstly took myself to Paris last summer, and in early 2010 I hilariously and unexpectedly went to Los Angeles. Both vacations deserve a spot on the t'interweb I feel. And I have that space right now to want to write - without the distractions of work, or the normalness of being at home - my creative side wakes up and the words start flowing down my arms again and out through my fingers.
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